Resolutions

     The time has come to reassess what we have done over the past year and what we would like to accomplish in the coming year.  Goals are good.   But without a plan those goals will never be reached.  The plan for reaching those goals needs to be flexible, reviewed regularly and adjusted frequently. 
     The same could be said for care giving.  Setting a plan in place and never deviating is a recipe for disaster.  One thing you can be sure of once you take on the care giving role is that nothing ever stays the same.  The more you plan, the more God laughs. 
     Some suggestions:
1. Take your role as a care giver seriously, but do not take yourself too seriously.  Accept the fact that you are going to make mistakes and forget things.  You thought you were busy before, but now you are responsible for a whole other person.  Yes, you will forget your hair appointment.  You will remember the milk after you get back from the store (and that is the one item that you went out for).  Allow yourself to be less than perfect.
2. Make lists for yourself.  Break it down into each day if needed.  Be as thorough as possible.  When things are written down you will find yourself relaxing a bit more.  A lot of time and energy is spent trying to remember what you wanted to do next.  Refer to the list when those moments hit.
3. Accept the fact that you will probably not get everything on the list done each day.  Always allow some time on the next days list for one or two items to flow over.  This will help you to feel less stressed as the week progresses.
4. Ask for help. This cannot be emphasized enough. It is not easy to do.  This is a skill that you will need to learn over time.  Call a trained home care provider to assist you with this.
     Do not forget to add some personal time to some of the lists.  Without personal time you will quickly begin to feel overwhelmed and experience "burn out."  This is very real and could be serious for your physical and mental health.  Put in some time for laughter.  If necessary, add sleep to the schedule.  It sounds silly, but it can help you to remember that it is an important part of your over all health.
 

Make your list and check it twice (or more)

     At this time of year most people are trying to finish up all the last minute details in preparation for the holidays.  In addition to the the daily work schedule, child care or caring for parents, there is decorating, shopping, gift wrapping, card sending, baking, cooking and RSVP'ing to parties.  With some careful planning and list making most, if not all, of your plans can be accomplished without making yourself crazy.  The lists should be titled "Have to" and "Want to". 
     The "Have to" list should include things that you cannot avoid doing.  Food shopping, meal preparation, children's activities, cleaning, etc.  The "Want to" list should include things that you would like to do.  This would be decorating, baking or cooking for others, attending parties, etc. 
     If necessary, make a daily to do list. This way you can spread the wealth so to speak. It helps to keep you from putting things off or forgetting about your 7AM work meeting when you said that you would take the kids to school that morning. Check the list before you commit to anything.  This time of year takes you out of your routine and it is easy to forget what you have previously agreed to do.
You may feel that you absolutely have to attend all the parties that you have been invited to, and you have to visit all the relatives within a three day period with home baked goodies and attend all the kids programs at school or church. Put all of these things on one of the two lists. Once it is on paper, staring you in the face you get a really clear idea of why you feel so overwhelmed. 
     Once you have everything down on paper you can begin to prioritize each of your lists.  As you complete things on the list check them off.  When you look back at the lists it is very satisfying to realize that you are accomplishing more than you think you are.  Do not be afraid to schedule some down time for yourself.  Put this on the "Have to" list.  Downsize some things.  Maybe you do not HAVE to decorate as much as you usually do or attend ALL the parties.  Be realistic with your time.
     Another suggestion is to delay some visits until after the New Year. For some the holidays are wonderfully busy times because of all the visitors and activities.  After the flurry of activity they are again alone in their daily routine.  This can be a dangerous time for developing depression.  Schedule a visit with them for the week or so after the holidays.  And bring the baked goodies.  It may be a more relaxed and welcomed visit for both of you.
     Making the lists, checking them twice and being honest with yourself about your time will possibly help you to feel more in control and relaxed.  Do not attempt to just get through the holidays.  Really ENJOY yourself and your family and friends this year.  Happy holidays to all!!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

     Caregivers provide all kinds of assistance.  This assistance can be shopping, it can be paying bills once a month or living with and providing care for someone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  It can also include long distance care assistance.  Most people have difficulty seeing this as providing care.  After all, what is the big deal to have to do something over the phone?  There is no trouble attached to making a few phone calls, right?
     Let's look at this a little ore closely.   We can use the example of the son who lives 12 hours away from Mom.  Mom develops an acute medical issue.  Son makes some phone calls and appointments for Mom.  He cancels meetings, rearranges his schedule  and goes to see Mom.  They go to the doctors and make a plan for treatment.  Son comes back home, calls his siblings to let them know what has happened and reschedules all of the things he missed around Mom's upcoming treatment.  His siblings are very supportive and genuinely offer to do whatever they can to help.
     Mom, in the mean time, has decided that she does not want to go along with the plan.  She needs time to think about things and insists that everything be cancelled.  She agrees to a new plan, then cancels it again.  The son, and his siblings, are constantly rescheduling their work lives and family obligations around these ever changing appointments.  Mom, of course, does not see that any of this is an issue.  She is concerned with her needs and is understandably nervous about all of the things going on in her life.  She calls the son constantly to complain about how she feels or just to talk.  The son is trying to be patient with Mom, after all she is experiencing something frightening.  But, he is trying to work.  Mom insisits that he call the doctor to request medication and report symptoms several times a day.  Mom will not do it herself because, "You can get the information faster than I can".  Mom does not take medication the way it was prescribed because the doctor "does not understand" and she knows better what will work and what won't.  At one point the phone calls are coming 16-20 times each day. 
     Even though the son is not spending a lot of time with Mom physically, the thime spent on the phone becomes overwhelming and intrusive.  For the son there is also a feeling of lack of control.  He feels stressed thinking that if he were there he could cotrol the situation more effectively, but this is not always the case.  Chances are Mom has been like this her entire life.  As a younger woman it was better hidden.  Now that she is older and needs some assistance with these things it is coming to light.  Caregiving is caregiving, whether it is provided on site or long distance.  Both are equally as difficult and time consuming, just in different ways.  With the correct resources the family could assist Mom in her quest to be incontrol, but not make them feel as if they are crazy, or incompetent.
     Asking questions of the doctor or nurse, calling someone who has worked with a homecare agency before are all ways to begin the quest for a solid agency.

Technophobic and Loving it

     Technology is a wonderful thing.  It allows us to discuss ideas and report breaking news with people from all over the world instantaneously.  This is both a blessing and a curse.  I come from a slightly different time.  Phones were connected to the walls with wires and  I have memories of "party lines".  For those who are too young to know what I am talking about, this is when you had to share a phone line with one or more families in the neighborhood.  I remember my mother complaining about not being able to make a phone call because every time she picked up the phone someone was already on the line.  It was a big deal when cordless phones came on the scene.  They were large and had long antennas.  Answering machines did not exist yet.  Televisions were not just in color but had remote controls.  Ask anyone under the age of thirty about TV dials or adjusting the TV antenna and they will look at you like you have lost it.  Pagers were next which was a big step up for my generation.
     Fast forward- we are now impatient if someone does not immediately fax or e mail us the information that we are looking for.  We no longer have to keep trying to "catch" someone at home.  We can get them on their cell phone almost immediately.  This technology has also allowed those of us in the medical field to more quickly and appropriately begin treatment because we have access to medical records more quickly.
     I have come kicking and screaming into the 21st century regarding technology.  My learning curve with technology is very steep.  But, I am learning to embrace it.  We have recently started a weekly internet radio show that we broadcast from our office.  I have never done anything like this before and it has been a great learning experience.  We interview people every week who have great information to share with everyone.  Our problem has been that  dreaded learning curve.  I am having trouble getting us set on a "channel".
     In order to listen to the recorded programs it is necessary to log in different ways since the first few programs were recorded under different tiles due to technical difficulties.  We are learning how to do this and hope everyone will bear with us while we work out the kinks.  There is a link on this site that will take you to what is now the main channel.  For the other two programs that have been recorded you will need to go to ustream.com and look under Senior Moments with Nurse Linda or seniormomentwithnurselinda.  The programs are cute but raw.  We are working out sound and lighting issues but the guests we have had on the show have been gracious and very informative.  The programs are recorded with both audio and video.  We have a good time and hope anyone that watches has a good time as well.
    
    

Welcome to Home Care 101

      I will be offering advice to anyone who is providing care to someone at home.  Home can be where ever the individual lives- home, assisted living, boarding home. etc.  Providing assistance to a loved one at home can be convenient, emotionally satisfying and a great experience for everyone in the family.  Historically, this is how families provided care for their loved ones.  Rarely did one go to the hospital for care.  Oral histories and family stories were passed on from generation to generation during this time.  Children had the opportunity to learn about normal aging and how to assist with care.  My own son learned form the time he could walk that he had to watch out for great granpops oxygen tubing.  He knew that the matchbox cars had to be kept out of the way of great grandmom's walker because she had difficulty seeing things that small.  The generations in the home worked well together.  Even as their health began to fail he was very comfortable helping with carrying items for them, keeping the oxygen tubing untangled.  He learned to speak a little louder when he told them stories and to be patient and give them time to respond to his questions.
     Today most families are mobile and live many miles apart.  This makes staying at home for elderly relatives tricky, but it can be done with the right support system and planning.  I provide education and resource information to families who are looking to keep their loved ones at home for as long as possible, and do it safely. 
     I will be discussing:
       Safety Issues in the home for the elderly
      How to recognize when care is needed
      How to choose a caregiver safely
     I am also interested in any topics that might be of interest to anyone else.