Who Am I? (Nurse v. daughter)

     I became a nurse because I like to be on the "knowing" side of medicine. Being able to speak to other health professionals on their level gives a feeling of control when you are experiencing an "out of control" event in your life. I find satisfaction in being able to help people take those kinds of events and make them manageable. It is a challenge that I have always enjoyed. Even as an EMT I enter into peoples lives at a time when they are in crisis and try to put them at ease while chaos rains down around them.
     Just over a week ago my step Dad called to say that he was having trouble waking my Mom.  Mom had a stroke. It was rather extensive with total paralysis of one side of her body (hemiparesis). Talk about having an "out of control" event. I was very torn between being part of the professional care giving team or the daughter. It is never a good idea to try to play both roles because you end up doing both badly.
     The last week has been a roller coaster ride. Paramedics, emergency room, intensive care unit and finally rehab. Considering the extensiveness of the stroke she has done quite well. Still no movement of the left arm or leg, but her speech has improved and there is very little facial droop at this point. Her sense of humor never left although short term memory has been a problem. When I have stepped in to the professional role a few times over the past week to make her work at doing things for herself she has politely invited me, "to leave any time you are ready." Visual hallucinations in the afternoons when she is tired can be funny. The snowman in the room (here in SC) was probably one of the best. As a professional I understand that these are not abnormal occurrences and can appreciate the funny side of it. As a family member it can be difficult to watch because there is nothing that anyone can do to convince her that the snowman did not exist.
     We have many weeks of recovery ahead of us. Let us see if I can stay out of the professional role. I will keep everyone updated as to how my own brain is fairing during this process. I'll do my best to keep it from exploding- knowing how things should be done versus how I see them being done. I am truly the person who goes in to the hospital that no one wants to care for. I am not demanding, but if something is to be done a certain way, then that is the way it should be done. Let's see if my case managementt background helps or hinders.